Trigger warning

I see that on a lot of posts on support groups I am part of…

Trigger warning…

What does it mean: it means that the following blog may evoke strong emotional reactions, so if you don’t want to be emotionally shook, don’t read.

I hope it does trigger change. Not a massive worldwide change. Not even a network or show change. Just simply a change in the very small audience who reads this so that maybe just maybe a small change can become infectious and make a difference in something extremely serious that no one likes to talk about…

I’ve kind of been avoiding this topic because sometimes it’s too serious and people don’t want to listen but watching a new show on Netflix had me triggered and I don’t think I can stay quiet much longer so here is my take…

I won’t name the show but I just started what I thought would be a very enjoyable comedy about motherhood but not even halfway through the pilot episode I had to turn it off…

Suicide and postpartum depression is not something to joke about….

The first comment about it, I actually laughed. Totally relatable even if it was a little disturbing it was relatable and funny… the second comment was a little bit of a grimace for me but once the woman was pulled out of the pool and stated “what a peaceful way to go” with a smile on her face, I was done laughing.

The day I attempted suicide I told my doctor I was suicidal but I also laughed it off saying I was fine and that I was simply overwhelmed not feeling myself with all the meds and that I was safe and just needed to get back to work and routine, I knew how to be safe despite my dark thoughts, I’m a freaking nurse… I used humor to hide my pain and he believed me, hell I believed me!!

I’m not blaming him by any means I can only imagine how hard it must have been to have gotten news that the same day I was in his office admitting to suicidal ideation I actually went through with it less than 12 hours after seeing him. It’s not his fault. I didn’t even know that I was in trouble, I wasn’t being manipulative, I wasn’t saying what I knew he needed to hear. I truly believed that I had a safety plan in place and that I was safe but that’s the thing we don’t take it seriously, no one does.

Our society is messed up. We laugh and joke about these things and normalize these dark thoughts that are just not okay. I am just as guilty as the next mostly due to my awkwardness and I know it makes other people comfortable in a very uncomfortable situation but it is a serious problem that shouldn’t be taken lightly and I am completely disgusted with the shows take on suicidal ideation in a mom with postpartum depression.

We can do better!

We don’t have to be serious all the time but if you hear someone joking about it often, saying they don’t know how much more they can take (something I specifically said to my girls’ therapist in an email discussing some stressors related to coparenting 3 days before my attempt), complaining about being overwhelmed, having explosive emotional moments even if they are validated, or simply acting out of the norm for them…. check in with them. Truly listen. Take what they are saying seriously and don’t let them minimize their feelings.

I was in trouble and quietly screaming for help that even I didn’t recognize until hindsight…

No one noticed because no one was looking. Everyone is so busy with their own lives, own stressors and own issues we don’t see things right in front of us. Now please don’t take this as me blaming anyone or saying that anyone should have recognized that I personally was in trouble because like I said in my situation even I didn’t know I was in trouble and I was living it!!

All I hope to accomplish with sharing my point of view is to be more cognizant of those around you and sensitive to changes in behaviors. Recognize when people are becoming overwhelmed emotionally. While I know my opinion is not the most popular opinion I think it needs to be said that:

Suicide is not caused by bullying, it’s caused by lack of coping skills.

Anti-bullying campaigns are a great start that may put a dent in suicide rates but nothing will compare to the difference we can make simply by recognizing those in trouble and getting them the help they need to learn how to cope with emotional stressors.

Suicide can only be prevented by learning better coping skills, not by having a perfect “happy” life with no conflict. We must learn to be happy in the chaos!!

If you’re feeling overwhelmed; if you don’t know how much more you can take; if you feel all alone; if you feel the world is against you or that it’s crushing you; if you feel like you can’t keep it in any longer, if things outside of your control bubble and boil inside of you please, please, please, don’t minimize your pain, don’t think expressing it will make you weak or dramatic and certainly don’t think it will just go away. Reach out. Speak out. Find a friend. Get a therapist. See your doctor. Make them hear you. You are in more trouble than you know.

I am here for ANYONE who would like to talk, anyone who thinks they may be heading down the wrong path and want to divert before you get too far.

Reach out and Speak out!

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