Surviving Satan

I have been in the middle of a battle between God and Satan my entire life. On December 10th, 2018 the devil almost won.

I can remember a huge warehouse church when I was younger. It felt like thousands of people were there and every Sunday there would be an alter call that I would answer. Every.single.Sunday. I would recommit my life to God and repent my sins of being mean to my sisters or lying to my mother or whatever other sin a normal 6 year old may commit.

My rebel heart felt so much guilt for not following Him and giving in to the temptations of the world and the lures of Satan.

At some points in my life my heart was weighed down with so much guilt and shame that I shied away from the Lord and his truth. I was a lost sheep living in sin not wanting to face the fear of my father’s wrath. Another lie the devil told me, that my father in heaven would punish me and forsake me like the fathers in flesh I had come to know.

I’ve never been baptized. I always thought well what if I’m not just quite ready to start new in the Lord. What if I fall down the wrong path or am not perfect. No, I have to wait until I am ready, until the perfect time. Another lie I fell for. There are no perfect Christians. We are all sinners but our sins have already been paid for. I can be a Christian and still make mistakes and fall into temptation without God loving me any less. It doesn’t make me a hypocrite and it doesn’t mean he will disown me. I will forever be a child of God.

There are people around me that no matter what I have done they still see me and not the darkness that has taken over me. not only do they see me in my darkness but also in my light. They speak the positives they see and lovingly (sometimes not so lovingly but always with loving intentions) tell me when I am on the wrong path but they always SEE ME.

That’s the thing. I think it’s in human nature to see a person as all good or all bad but that’s the lie Satan tells us. Not one person is all good or all bad, not one. I am just as guilty as the next person for believing this lie.

I got so wrapped up in these lies that surround me that I almost lost my life over them. Lies continue to surround me but now my eyes see the darkness behind a persons actions and my ears hear the devil speaking through their mouth.

I pray that the Lord fill those who sin against me with these lies with light and peace. That their hurt is healed through him and they stop allowing Satan to use their hate and anger to destroy themselves and those around them just as I did. Satan is the only winner when never ending pokes are returned back and forth and we see each other as evil or bad.

I pray that those who I have sinned against are filled with peace and understanding. I pray that their eyes are opened and that they too see the darkness behind past actions and words and begin to see me as a vessel that is used for good or bad depending on who I choose to follow.

I choose to follow God from this point forward and will continue to pray and practice his word each and every day and though I know I will have bad days, days when the devil may have a stronger hold and I will have to fight harder against him I will fight and I will win because my God is greater than anything I may face.

I know who I am. I know who God says I am and I am who He says I am. I will not listen to the lies of those who can’t see they are looking at the world in black and white, good vs evil. I will not listen to the judgement because the only one who can Judge me is God and he has found me to be worthy. Worthy of his love. Worthy of his only son’s life to pay for my sins. I will not allow those who think they are judge and jury to punish me for my sins because my sins have already been paid for and my Father in Heaven has provided for my redemption.

We all have been forgiven. We are all children of God, if we want to be. You just have to start now. Change the voice inside your head and stop letting Satan in no matter if the tool he uses is a mother, father, friend, sister, or daughter the lies you are being told are not from their hearts but from the poisonous tongue of the serpent.

Inspiration for this blog came from life lessons and the following quotes and songs:

God, tell me the truth of who I am. I am listening. I want to be free from the lies – do that for me. Rescue me. Bring truth like a waterfall. -100 days to brave Annie F. Downs

Who you say I am – Hillsong Worship. chosen
Not forsaken
I am who You say I am
You are for me
Not against me
I am who You say I am

Glorious Day – Passion Conferences I was buried beneath my shame
Who could carry that kind of weight
It was my tomb
Till I met You
I was breathing, but not alive
All my failures I tried to hide
It was my tomb
Till I met You
You called my name
And I ran out of that grave
Out of the darkness
Into Your glorious day

2 thoughts on “Surviving Satan

  1. “The only love that won’t disappoint you is one that can’t change, that can’t be lost, that is not based on the ups and downs of life or of how well you live. It is something that not even death can take away from you. God’s love is the only thing like that.” -Tim Keller. Praying for you. Nothing is impossible for God. His grace is sufficient. Praying God will continue to guide you through this difficult time and continue to provide you with the kind of peace and comfort that this world cannot comprehend without Him.

    Liked by 1 person

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