The truth

You made the wrong decision.

You made the wrong call.

I don’t care who advised you or what professional opinion you relied on, a true parent would have known the right thing to do and what you did was wrong.

I do not lie to my children and i would never suggest to.

the trust and relationship is broken when you lie to a child.

youre suppose to set an example. youre suppose to be someone to look up to.

There is just some information children do not need to know.

16 is a child.

13 is a child.

You gave them information they were not ready to process.

you gave them information to share YOUR burden.

they are children. you are the adult. you are the parent.

you left them with questions and confusion you were not ready to handle.

you chose to tell them so if they found out later they would not be mad at you.

your first real decision as a parent and you chose wrong.

you chose to throw me under the bus so your guilt and embarrassment would be hidden, stricken from the record, washed clean you still get to be their friend, they can be mad at me.

guess what?!

they can be mad at me because that is part of what being a parent is.

you dont get to be their friend.

you dont get to make them happy.

unless youre a disney dad and lets face it thats all you know how to be.

yes yes yes whatever you want. cardboard cut out to inflate your sense of priority. $1000 phone at 16 when you cant be bothered to pay for necessities. iwatch for christmas lets kiss just a little more ass because of your lack of responsibility.

look at your child. look what you have done.

Lexi is hurting. she is so worried about making everyone else happy and not wanting any fighting she puts herself on the back burner just like i did, you might as well give her a knife and let her start the cutting. as long as she looks happy right Jerry and youve made sure to bring in a child for play dates who will bring her to target and spend ridiculous money on unnecessary things and pretend to be her best friend instead of an actual parent figure. open your eyes.

Chloe is the sun in everyone’s life so much that the rest are over shadowed, the rest outshined everything revolves around Chloe and believe me she worries me too and my pleas of concern have fallen on deaf ears from you for years. The kid is depressed. she knows how to mask her depression. she knows how to look happy. she knows what to say to turn everything her way, shes learned from me. she is  isolated from her friends she tries to paint in a negative light but that is not her opinion that has never been who she is she is a meer puppet of herself taken over by that boy i absolutely deplore whose mother chooses to ignore the fact that her son is no good, her son is negative and mean and has my child controlled and down right mean. Chloe knows how to manipulate and chloe knows how to get her way. chloe has always been treated like an adult and it has absolutely positively got to stop. She is a child. she needs rules. she needs boundaries. she needs a dad who cares more about her than the bimbo in his bed, you are teaching her what to settle for and who she needs to be for a boy to give her attention and fufill her needs. she is grounded, how is that going? oh i already know the answer you couldnt uphold your promise for even one day as I laid in a hospital bed with machines keeping me alive. pathetic, open your eyes.

you realize that by tellling Chloe youve told the littles as well. she is a child she doesnt know how to keep a secret and she shouldnt have had that burden to hold.

lets be clear about one thing, the solution to your problem, the answer to your question is not and will never be keeping them from me.

Only a 5 minute phone call in almost 2 weeks. did they cry after? was it hard for you to deal with? too freaking bad I am their mother. I am their rock. their world is turned upside down and too freaking bad it was hard for you. boo freaking hoo life is so hard for poor little you, grow up and do what needs to be done for those girls.

youre finally getting a chance to see all i take care of, honestly i really dont believe it im sure your sister, your mother, your ….ill try to be nice, magic marker have stepped right up to do all the chore (rhymes with the word i really wanted to use) that have been set out for you to do. appointments, school functions, running, emotions….

i can do the running. i can do the shopping. i can do the appointments. i can do it all really. 17 years ago i gave you a choice. i told you i could do it alone. i told you i did not need you. the one thing i refused to let you do is come and go and destroy that baby girl like my father did me so i told you if you chose to stay you needed to be all in or to walk away. my mistake i should have let you stay away when you left for the first bottle blonde but i was young and determine to give that baby what i never had, a dad.

youre here. you made your choice long ago and now you need to step up and do what needs to be done for them. be a parent. work hard and im not talking about a paycheck im talking about doing the work that needs to be done to fix us. not Jerry and Jessie Lord knows thats a toxic combination that should have never gone on so long (a lot like chloe & theo, really think about it) no Jerry and Jessie dont need help or to be fixed but dad and mom they need a whole lot of help and if youre not willing to put the work in for that then what the hell am I doing here?

you want a reason? you want to know the answer to the question everyone keeps asking?

I did it because of that. The fighting was never going to stop. The fighting was breaking our girls, destroying their lights. As long as I live I will never stop fighting for what is best for my girls and I knew what was best for my girls was for the fighting to stop but you will never be the man I or they need you to be so how do I stop fighting if I know with every last breath in my body I will fight for my girls… I stop breathing. That is the only way I know how to stop fighting for them.

you want life “normal”? you want me to take back over my responsibilities again? Only you can fix this. Only you can put in the work.

 

 

 

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