you’re not going to like what I have to say….
youre not going to like what you need to hear…
the time for pleasing people is over.
The time for taking the blame is done.
I do not lie, it’s never really been my style.
I’m painfully honest even when it’s not so kind, but my cruelty generally is limited to mostly me.
I’m not so kind to myself and give everyone else too much Grace and that time has come to an end.
I will no longer take responsiblity for who you think I am or who you think I should be.
I am me and that is simply all I can be.
I am kind. I am gentle. I care too much and I do too much for everyone but me.
My children are my world and that’s not just a saying to me, that is my truth, that is the essence of who I am.
I do not owe anyone an apology.
I do not owe anyone an explanation.
I am not sorry.
I will repeat, I am not sorry.
I will be removing that word from my vocabulary and it will be saved for very rare occasions.
I am who I am and for that I am not sorry.
I am not sorry for feeling deeply.
i am not sorry for disappointing.
I am not sorry for the perceived weakness you think I have.
I am strong, brave and courageous.
I did what needed to be done and for that I am not sorry.
You won’t understand.
You will certainly misunderstand the meaning and intention behind my words but I am not sorry for that and I don’t care to set your record straight.
This is my record. My story. My words. What you think is not my problem. What you choose to distort, is not my problem.
I will not feel sorry for the “burden” I left on the clueless unequipt DNA and the overly bleached child of vanity he has chosen.
You told my children that I don’t let you be a father.
For 12 days you have had the sole parental responsibility I have taken on every single other day by myself for the past sixteen years, welcome to parenthood.
I do not feel sorry for you and neither should another soul on this earth.
You have had a pass.
You have been able to bury your head in the sand and ignore what it means to be a parent for 16 years.
That time has passed.
You may no longer attempt to pass the torch to another.
You may no longer be ignorant to how hard it is and all that it entails.
This is a job you signed up for in blood and no one else is going to do it for you.
Fisquena – stop picking up the mess. Stop giving him an inflated sense of self worth and see him for who he is. He is just him. He is not good. He is not bad. He is mediocre at best and you my dear need to stop allowing him to hide in the toy box, making a mess for everyone else to clean up. This is his mess to clean up. No one else needs to be involved.
Magic marker- you are not in control. You will never be in control again. I have nothing to say to you and will continue to have nothing to say to you until he learns to articulate and communicate which is going to take a very long time. I do not forgive you. I do not appreciate you. We will not be friends. We will not get along. You will not be invited into my circle again. You will never step foot into my home or on my property again. I will not share my children with you. I don’t change my mind very easily once it’s set and your actions have set it to Armageddon status, congratulations. You are responsible for how I treat you. There are not very many people that I do not like in this world or that I won’t give an abundance of chances to but you have made the extremely short list that pretty much consists of you and you put yourself there dear child.
Chatty chica- I love you dearly but stop. Stop getting in the middle. Stop trying to interject. You do not know best. I am not who you think I am. My story is not the same as what you know. You have kept me at arms length at best and that does not need to change now. It’s your survival mode. It’s what you needed. Focus on what you need again. You have your own children who need you. You have your own business to tend to. You are good, you are kind, you mean well and I love you but what I need from you is to back off for now. Give your family my love and know that I know your intentions are true but I can’t focus on what you need from me or who I need to be for you right now so I need you to take a deep breath and surrender control. Let him wrap his inked arms around you and let him be your strength. Just rest knowing that everything happens for a reason and this will all be better some day and answers don’t have to come today.
I’m not okay. It’s okay to not be okay.
It. Is. Okay. To. NOT. Be. Okay.
Empathy is appreciated but sympathy will not be tolerated.
Stop the drama.
Stop the worry, it’s just not productive.
No one needs to be involved, updated or concerned.
This is my fight. This is my path. While I know I am loved and I am not alone this is something only I can do. .
Disclaimer: yes I am “allowed” to post. I’m allowed to call. I’m allowed to be on social media. I choose not to. I choose to focus on my healing and what I need. I choose to be off social media and the need to worry about what everyone else needs from me or needs me to be. I do not have my phone because I choose not to have my phone. Mike is the only person I have chosen to have contact with. Jerry does have access as well if he chooses to call with the girls or wants to come be part of the healing that we so desperately need in order to move forward but he has not made that decision at this time so I continue to just focus on what I need and that is to focus on me until he can step up and work together to heal.
Stop talking. Stop worrying. Stop asking Mike about me, leave him alone he has enough to deal with. Worry about yourselves and stay out of my business. Stop the drama it’s really quite unnecessary and ridiculous. Get back to your own life, no one has ever cared about what’s going on in my life before, why start now.