I’ll survive, I always do…o

I’ll survive, I always do… it’s kind of my tag line when I’m going through a hard time but there is nothing left to do but just sit there and move forward one pain staking step at a time…

I truly love and appreciate the support I have from my friends. Those who truly know me know how my mind is a constant buzz over analyzing and over thinking everything making my emotional rollercoaster more difficult than it has to be…

I am extremely sensitive but appear to have a hard candy coated shell on the outside to those who do not know me very well.

Those who know me know it’s all a front, a wall if you must, built up to protect the parts of me that are glued together and fragile after all the times I’ve fallen apart. All the times I’ve been destroyed by those who’ve I’ve let get too close. Close enough to take a piece. Those who have neglected and broken that piece until it was no longer shiny.

Those pieces are not what define me.

I’ve had to take them and redesign me to keep me shiny. To keep my faith. To continue to love me and appreciate me for just being me. But still I feel weak.

I love me but I wished I didn’t wish for a man to stand beside me. To stand up for me and to protect me from those who try and harm me.

I know I am strong. I can defend me. I always have. I’ve learned to hold my head high and protect what is mine and not tolerated those who try to tear me up inside. I just wish I didn’t have to.

A daddy is a daughter’s first love… I guess I never had mine, maybe that’s why I can’t seem to find it. Maybe that’s why I allow so many undeserving in my life. Giving chance after chance, I always thought that compassion and forgiveness were the strong thing to do but at what cost, at what end?

I’m just so tired of it all.

It’s a heavy burden to carry and I’m getting quite wary. I have to let it go I have to bury it and not let it continue to grow…

It’s time to let go. It’s time to take the steps. It’s time to survive and give up all pride. What I search for just doesn’t exist so I just have to keep being that person for myself and stop hoping anyone else could ever compare to the hero I hide deep inside myself. 🧡

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