I hate my body

We all hate some part of our body or the weight that we carry but this is not a story of hating the weight or the superficial look of me.

I wake up and I hurt.

Unable to think.

Unable to move.

My head is in a fog.

My neck feels stiff as a log.

My foot won’t work and I have to shuffle to the bathroom dragging my leg along.

Tingling begins as I wake each extremity.

It’s okay everything is temporary.

Lay back down maybe more rest is necessary.

I can’t sleep. The weight is heavy on me.

Not the weight of pounds but the weight of everything.

Thinking some day this may not be temporary.

I can’t think like that.

Tears warm my cheek as I think I just hate my body.

I hate what I can’t do.

I hate what I have to push through.

I hate that I look normal and everything is fine.

I hate that I have to hide.

I hate that I hate everything.

I wish that I could stay positive inside 100% of the time.

I wish I wasn’t so weak, body and mind.

I wish this disease was more kind.

I hate MS and everything it’s destroyed.

I hate that I have to lie that everything is fine.

I hate when I sound like such a whiny little girl.

I don’t feel strong, beautiful or amazing.

I feel heavy with sadness and hate that I don’t shine.

I don’t feel like this all of the time.

It’s just that the clouds are darker from time to time and today is one of those dark days.

But I have to get up. I have to get moving.

Nothing is going to start improving unless I get up and start moving.

I hate my body most all of the time.

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