Fight…flight… FREEZE

I’m usually a fighter…

Something happened over the last year and I turned into a runner…

But recently all I can do is freeze when faced with times of extreme anxiety…

Looking back I realize I’ve had these symptoms before, but I didn’t recognize them as anxiety…

I even went through extensive testing because my reaction to stress is not normal… I mean I don’t think it is…

It’s suppose to be fight or flight, right? That’s what we are taught, but what if there is another response.

FREEZE… a complete and total shut down.

I cant talk. I can’t move. I’m aware of what’s going on around me but I can’t open my eyes and when I do they feel heavy and weak….

The room is spinning in a weird contorted way…

My lips feel numb and tingly….

I can not speak…

My limbs feel heavy and even breathing seems to take up too much energy….

I try to talk. I try to engage but my stomach it has its own reckoning….

My mouth is dry and my throat burns like fire… if I move a muscle I’m going to be seeing dinner…

I can’t think. I can’t process. Why does thinking take up so much of my energy….

Sometimes it takes me days to regain my energy and continue my ability to cope effectively…

He sees me. He understands that my anxiety is unlike his own. It’s different and it takes on a different shape than one he has known…

He is patient and he is kind. He doesn’t push me until it’s my time… time to process. Time to heal. Time to push past all that has held me back and dulled my sparkle… he gives me time to reveal myself in my own way, in my own time…

Sometimes he just knows and doesn’t need me to say…

It’s nice having someone who understands the overwhelming thoughts I withhold…. without even being told.

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