The grass is not greener…

I have to admit…

I used to look at the other side of things and think being a single mom wasn't all that bad, after all at the very least you get every other weekend "off" and get a little break…

I knew it must be difficult and it wasn't totally fabulous but it had to be better than how I was living, happier than what I was living at least. I deserved to be happy, didn't I?

Don't get me wrong, I am happy. I'm extremely happy with my daughters, with my career and most certainly happy with the amazing man who has come into my life even with the road blocks and detours we seem to encounter learning how to blend our daughters, our personalities and all of our differences but that's not what this blog is about…

This blog is about the unseen sad moments. Everyone gets to see my happy. My happy is posted for all to see… my happy is extremely clear to see. I have a lot to be happy about but I still find myself having sad moments of mourning wondering if I could do more, be more…

This week was the first time I didn't take my daughters extra while their dad was at work during his week with them due to a friend's bachelorette party and a shifted work schedule…

Do I necessarily feel guilty for not taking them as much as I normally would… no… yes… maybe a little… my heart hurts. I miss my girls. I didn't get to see them barely at all this week and while that's the norm during the school year during their dads week, over the last 2 months I have had them every day I don't work and it's crazy to think I ever longed for this "break" from them.

Im laying in bed stressing over the fact that I don't get to see them for another 48 hours… couldn't sleep last night because I had 3 of my 4 little ones cramping me in my bed unable to move, waking up with a horrible headache from the awkward way I ended up sleeping. I can't sleep tonight because my bed is empty and cold…

I can't win. I guess my point is that we all have our struggles. We all have our less desirable moments in our lives. The grass is not greener. It's not any better on the other side of the fence. Your grass is what you make of it. Married. Single. Dating. Committed. Engaged. It truly doesn't matter. We all have our struggles. We all want more, want less, want what we can't have… want what we want.

Life is what you make of it. If you would stop banging on the door of what you "want" for just a second you would realize that a window is open right next to you. Take every opportunity to live your life to the fullest. Feel your feelings when you're feeling them but don't let yourself get lost in the low ones for too long. We need the downs to enjoy the ups, we need the ups to survive the downs. Love your life for all that it is. Work hard to make the bad times better and the good times last longer. Appreciate your past for the lessons it has taught you and keep moving forward, always move forward.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s