We write our own stories…
Lately I’ve been overwhelmed with everything going on in my life. Trying to balance life and remain above water while doing it… watching friends go through similar things I’ve been through, selling my home, managing coparenting in general, dealing with a teenage attitude and a 6 year olds sass, blending families, working full time in a stressful environment that needs my full mental attention, dating, finding time for friends, family and myself and dealing with the emotional recourse of coming up to the year anniversary of the end of my perfect world…
I was lashing out and not even realizing it. Frustrated and feeling like a failure I became hypercritical of everyone around me trying to find what they were doing wrong instead of looking inside and figuring out what was really bothering me. Fitting into the victim role of what everyone else was doing to me and how they were affecting me and making my life miserable.
Me, me, me.
The only villain in my life is me.
Yes, people can be shitty. Others can do things to make our lives more difficult, but they only hold that power if you write them into that role. We are our own heros. We are our own villains. We choose to be a victim when we are feeling low, out of control and helpless to the happenings in our own life.
We are the only ones who can stand up and take responsibility for the path we take in this life and only we can control what happens to us. Ultimately we are our own authors. Things happen, people and plans change… life goes on.
We are only a failure if we decide to write that into our story…
I am a failure at being a wife. I am a failure at owning my own home. I am a failure as a mother. I am a failure as a nurse. I am a failure as a friend. I am a failure as a girlfriend. I am a failure in life. I have failed over and over and over. I am not who I want to be.
I am a work in progress. Successfully attempting to search out my own path in life rapidly learning lessons along the way that were needed for me and only me. I am a toddler learning how to walk, stumbling and falling down but always getting back up again and fearlessly continuing on, one fat wobbly foot in front of the other. I am becoming who I want to be establishing priorities, morals and exactly who it is that I want to be aligning my actions with the goals I have set for myself. Changing who I was and not just saying fuck it I’ve already failed I might as well really fuck it up. I fall down but I will always continue to try and do better, be better. I am not who I want to be or where I want to be in life, YET.
I can listen to what others have to say and take it into consideration respectfully but ultimately who people think I am or how healthy I am mentally is not important. What is important is who I think I am. How healthy I think I am. A positive mind empowers you and gives you control but a negative mind poisons everything around you and tears you down and strips you of any control over your own life.
You can read my blogs and think I’m great, fake, flakey, amazing or just plain crazy but who I am to you is irrelevant, who are you to you? Ask yourself why you see people the way you see them? Is it your own insecurities causing you to think toxic things about other people blinding you to the hate you are actually feeling toward yourself? What is it that is causing you to be so negative and hypercritical of others? Change the voice inside your head and you will change your life. Feed the positivity meter and live your life free from the chains that drag you down and hold you to the victim of your own evil inside.