I don’t need to explain myself. I don’t need to justify my actions. I don’t need to because I’m just going to keep being me and you all will see that the monster inside was never the real me.
I lived a life in turmoil. Constantly being torn down for shining brighter than the sun, every time I was better I would be brought back down so that he could step on me and see above me. Thrown into a hole so that the only sun I could see was him. I was made to believe that he was my everything and that he was the only one who could save me. I was made to believe that I didn’t have anyone else in this world that it was him and me and no one else could be my everything. I was manipulated and told that wanting more was selfish and cold that I should be at home and not working until I was old.
I started to see the light in other people who lifted me up and told me that I was beautiful and bold. I sought out the attention of others so that I was no longer cold. I knew it was wrong but I just needed someone to hold. Someone who told me I was amazing, someone who appreciated me for me not who they wanted me to be.
I knew it wasn’t right and I began a long hard fight to find me again. A battle against myself and with him. To untie the tether he had around me and to step away from the suffocating control he had on me. To attempt to be better and to rise above who I was before and all the darkness I had implored that he held me to.
In the darkness I found my light. I found the genuine people who shine so bright who lift me up and rejoice with my victories not to tear me back down so that they themselves are the only ones who can pull me out.
Jerry. You poor pitiful soul. This one is definitely calling you out. Social media blast if you must but it is what it is and there must be consequences for your actions and I’m sick of letting you slide by and hide every evil thing that you do. Waiting and wanting to pry. Hiding in your shadows until the time is right to strike. You let bitterness and anger take over your emotions and poison every aspect of your life. You hold up the mask of happiness when behind close doors you’re plotting and sabataging someone you say you have no feelings left for. You let the past tether you down and I will not take responsibility for your anger anymore. I don’t need your forgiveness, I forgive me. I have so much more to say but in light of this new evidence of you reaching out to Mike’s ex to manipulate and breed fear and anger in an attempt to poison this beautiful blossoming flower I have starting in my life I will just refer you to my blog post “anonymous”
It’s funny I warned Mike that you would do this. You would attempt to expose my skeletons although there is nothing to expose because I am honest and true and while my past is embarrassing this is nothing new. I am where I am today because mistakes that I had made, lessons I had to learn the hard way. I thought you would come after him but you sunk to an all time low reaching out to his daughthers’ mom because you knew you could feed off her fear as a mother that an evil unworthy person is brought into their life, but guess what you failed and the only thing you succeeded to do was make yourself look even more pitiful and frail.
Mentally unstable. This is something I am all too familiar with. I was you not more than 6 months ago. Unsteady and unsure of this new life laid out before me. Angry and mean and wanting to blame others for the fight I had inside me. I reached out to Bill. I called you out. I was angry and hurt when I felt you had let someone else in my place. Worried that I would be replaced in my girls’ life too. Bitter and hurt that my friends accepted her too.
I know where you’re at. And while I know you’ll get through it and be better off after it I don’t have to tolerate it. I won’t be treated the way that you treat me. I don’t deserve to be called a whore and mentally torn down by the bitterness you spout. Twisting and turning the half truths that you peddle when you try and meddle with my new found happiness. You’re not only messing with mine but you’re destroying your own. Something you don’t understand, something you couldn’t possibly comprehend is that all this hate doesn’t affect me the way you hope that it will. The more hate you throw at me the more I pull away and want nothing to do with you the more angry you get because you don’t get the results that you seek…. a broken down pitiful me.
I’m no longer that mess that you lived with. I’m no longer dependent on you or anyone else for my happy. I put myself back together after you had me so broken down and crumbled to the ground that I will never be destroyed like that ever again. I am stronger than ever before and now you just need to learn how to let go of your own darkness to shine brighter than the rest. You have it in you too Jerry, you just have to let go of all that clouds your light and the anger you’re holding tight.