I’ve never been one to take the easy road.:. In fact I often wonder if subconsciously I choose the most difficult path because without risk there is no reward… when you finally get through the paving your path you look back and actually feel accomplished when you have had to work hard to get where you’re going…
this chapter in my life is no different…
Monday my divorce was final. The final chapter on a long over due book that had become tattern and torn and didn’t deserve to be read any longer was finally put out of its misery and closed for good. Closure. It felt good. It felt right. I felt free. Like nothing was holding onto me. I also had a fleeting moment of sadness but I’ve cried a thousand too many tears over that boy and there will be no more to score.
I’m dating. There is a guy. Not a boyfriend or anything too in depth at this point. Potential. Take things slow. Enjoy the ride. Don’t get too wrapped up. Appreciate my freedom. Respect his pride. He is kind of perfect and if I let my mind wander too much I can see a future, but we’re not there yet
Life took an unexpected turn of events Monday afternoon. My new chapter has a new author named fate and she seems to hate when I have peace and calm in my life. She thought I needed some wild and crazy toddler fun in my life and brought me to a crossroad where I had the opportunity to help two little people who desperately needed a home to roam until mom and dad could get their feet back under them… so who am I to test her plan. Who am I to question if The man upstairs is testing me or if he is really quite crazy?!
So here I stand. One of my last days that i can get up and go without dragging along two sweet little pairs of feet toddling behind me. Thinking about the community support that has show up for these babies. The resources and people willing to step up and take care of these little people without questioning who, what, where or when.
It’s national women’s day and boy do we get things done. We stand together hand in hand and we take care of each other. Women are a different kind of breed. Whenever in need you put out a distress call and multiple women pop up to happily and willfully step up to do what needs to be done…. we network and we connect in ways men could never understand because they keep to themselves, who are they to get involved, they can handle it on their own.
I have people who ask how I do it all alone. How I stay so strong. How I accomplish all that I do and the secret that is not so secret anymore is that I am never alone. I have this network of moms and I’ve finally learned that in order to be strong, in order to do it all sometimes I have to admit that I can’t do this alone. I can’t do it all and I have to ask for help. I have to say “HEY!! I’m in over my head!! Please help” and accept the help people offer and take them for their word when they say they are happy to help….
“That’s a lot of responsibility” they are not puppies, they are human beings, babies not little play things you can toss aside. Of course I know it’s a lot on my plate, it may be messy and it may be overflowing but my plate has a lot of love left on it and if I didn’t do this that love would go to waste. My children would get the message that you don’t have to help those in need just because it’s hard. That it’s okay to leave someone out in the cold because your blanket may be tatter and old.
I don’t know how this will affect my dating life. At this point I don’t really care. Any guy who is right for me will love me for my big heart and understand that’s the best part of me. It gets me into trouble and it fills me with all kinds of passion that sometimes the right intentions turn into the wrong actions but that’s just me. And a man who is right for me understands this about me… so we shall see. I’m a lot to handle without the addition of 4+2 kids!
No matter what. No matter when. No matter who. No matter where life may bring me next. I will continue to persist.