Fatal Flaw…

At work we take these personality tests, depending on answers to a variety of questions we are assigned to a personality color…
Mine is yellow. Structure. I like check lists and doing things in a specific order. I like to have all my ducks in a row. I’m organized and like to do things on my own.

A lot of people are surprised by this because I can be messy, I can have moments that there is no rhyme or reason to why I do the things I do. A lot of people think I’m a red. Direct. And maybe if I took it again I would be, but at the time I took this 5 years ago that was my lowest scoring part of my personality…

I think that today I would score very high in red. I know what I want and I’m not afraid to ask for it, demand it even. And yet when I am faced with someone who is willing to give me everything I want without even asking, I have no idea what to do with them. I’m so use to people using me. Wanting something from me. Not caring about me or my feelings, I’ve learned to do things on my own and never rely on anyone else. I’m use to doing and being everything for everyone else but I’m not use to anyone doing the same for me. It makes me very uncomfortable.

I am open and honest. I give everyone a chance to disappoint me and I don’t hold it against them, no one could ever live up to the standards I hold. And yet once disappointed it just reaffirms my standings in the first place. No one will ever care about me as much as I care about them.

My fatal flaw is that my heart is not locked in a box like I would lead people to believe. It’s wide open laying out there on my sleeve. Raw and available for anyone to sweep through and take a piece. It is fragile, easily bruised and shattered. I’ve gotten great at putting it back together and every time it falls apart muscle memory gets better and better.

I love with every part of me. I have people who seek to be around me, who are drawn to me and want to sneak a little piece of me. And I let them because genuine is who I am. I say what I mean and I am very self aware. I am the type of person who lifts others up. I have a contagious personality; when I’m happy the sun shines bright, when I am sad grey skies in sight. Everything I put effort into I do with all of me. If I choose to put effort into someone I am inevitably too much to handle and I don’t take rejections very easily.

I break easily.

I know what I want but refuse to let anyone give it to me. I can’t let anything come easily. I do things at my own pace, in my own way.  That’s the blue part of me. I don’t ask for help and I certainly don’t accept it easily.

People should be warned: don’t get too close, instead of putting my shattered heart back together I use the jagged pieces as my weapon… destroying anyone who dare treat me the way I demand to be treated, love me the way I crave to be loved or care for me as much as I care about them.

I am the fatal flaw in its purest form. That’s why I am insistent on just being me. There is no we in my story and no one can survive very long by my side. It’s just me, myself and I. So please don’t even try.

This is not a challenge, this is not a test. This is just what you get. You have never met stubborn until you have attempted to be my friend. I’m open and free until you try to get to know me. Speed up, slow down, there really is no winning… not with me. There is only fatality.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s