Changing seasons 

Gram always said, “If you don’t like the weather in Michigan, just wait a minute…. it’ll be changing before ya know it”

Such is life…

seasons of change come in and out like the passing wind.

I started this vacation out extremely distraught… as I was flying out of the country and away from my babies for 8 whole days I found out that they were moving in with a woman whom they had only met one time.

I felt like I was spiraling out of control… this woman who tells me she has no respect for me and I am too overbearing, this woman who crosses her arms and sticks her hip out like a child when I attempt to have a respectable conversation and open up a platform of mutual respect will be around my children 100% of the time when they are with their dad.

I can not control other people. I can not change who they are. I can not make them slow things down and see the foolishness of their ways… I can only change me.

It truly doesn’t matter. My daughters are happy. My daughters are safe. My daughters are smart and wise beyond their years and will grow to be better than I could ever imagine.

As this vacation is fast coming to an end I sit in a swinging chair all by myself taking it all in. The waves hitting the shore, laughter of children and families in the distance, the blender mixing up the liquid happiness we all love to endulge in, the addicting language of this tropical land surrounding me and the warmth of the sun hugging me. I am at peace.

My peace is sometimes wavering but I’m getting better at holding onto it and changing the things that threaten it in my head. It slips away from me and that’s okay too…

sometimes sadness demands to be felt, anger threatens to come out in outburts and I want to scream and shout with tears creating a hideous pout, happiness bubbles and boils spilling out in loud laughter and giggles and peace, the calming, feel your heart pounding all is not okay in the world but it’s all okay in me feeling is what I have felt.

I have people who love and take so much care to check in on me trying not to disturb me as they know I am they type who has to do it on my own, but I know I am not alone. But I am learning to love when I am physically alone. This is the time that I find my peace and my inner voice.

Seasons are changing. I am changing. Some days I like how I am changing and some days I don’t. But I know that if I don’t all I need to do is wait a minute… find my quiet and allow the weathering storm to pass. This hard time will not last, but the changes that are taking place in me will and as I always do, I will survive this and be much stronger too.

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