I’m not ever falling in love again…
Falling is painful, uncontrollable and unpredictable.
I am stepping into love and I’m starting with stepping into it with me.
In 14 days I go to Mexico and yesterday I took some pictures of myself trying my new bathing suits on and sent them to my travel buddy Sarah.
On initial review of these photos I saw, disgusting cellulite on my thighs, fat rolls on my hips, stretch marks on my bloated belly and sides, deflated squishy boobs that spilled over my suit, dark circles under my eyes and acne spots on my cheeks… I also saw a mirror that needed to be cleaned all a bathroom that needed to be picked up!! All the list of things on my plate that I’ve failed to complete!!
So I challenged myself to take my own advice and to truly believe that sexy comes in all shapes and sizes. Sexy is a feeling of confidence when you love yourself so deeply that everyone around you can’t help but be drawn to you.
I see a mom trying hard to be everything to her 4 beautiful daughters. To have fun and to show them that there is more to life than just chasing boys and that they are more than their mistakes. They deserve to be loved anyway.
I see a belly that has grown 5 children, 3 that were cut out of me, one that died inside of me and one who bravely made her way through the narrow canal and had the bruises on her angelic face as proof of her struggle of birth.
That body that I love to hate has taken quite the beating with little nourishment as I push it to the limit with lack of sleep and crappy food to stay up all night caring for others who put themselves in harms way…
I’m a hot fucking mess… but I am beautifully me and I’m stepping into love with that crazy wild child angel who is loyal to a fault and gives it all she’s got, because beauty truly does run deeper than this skin that we are in and if I take the time to really see me like I say I want others to, I see a gorgeous girl with a heart of gold.