The lies I tell myself…

I’m broken.

I’m crazy.

I’m unloveable.

I have too much baggage.

I’m not worth it.

I’ll  never change.

I’ll never escape my past.

I won’t be accepted.

No one could ever love me.

No one will ever want just me.

I’m only worth what I can give.

I won’t ever love again.

Most recent realization:

I feel like I’ve been lied to my entire life. Told no one will ever love me the way he did so I held onto that for so long trying to make things work only to find out that he never loved me that much anyway. I was just a band aid to fill the void and was easy to replace once ripped completely off and tossed in the trash. That’s what hurts. Knowing that no matter what I say to lesson my own hurt, my pain and hurt came from a source of loving him so much that I didn’t see him for who he really was. I wanted so badly to be care about the way he said he did that I was blind to who he really was. I wanted so badly for him, for anyone to love me as much as he professed and still professes but it was all just him needing me not him loving me because people who love others want to take care of them and he never did. He only cared of him and his needs, never mine. And he still only care about what he needs and wants. He has no conscious effort to think about how I feel or how he affects me it’s just all about jerry and it always has been. That’s my mistake. I gave my all to someone who was selfish and took so much of me that I am now 30 years old and lost.

It’s like investing in a stock only to have the market crash and to lose it all…

but I’m going to make an effort to create my own truths again. To tell myself every day…

I’m a different person.

I’m extremely loveable.

I am worthy of love.

I don’t have to earn anyone’s love.

I don’t have to prove myself to anyone.

I don’t have to give my all to someone who has nothing to give back.

I don’t need to be fixed.

My baggage makes me a better person.

I am good.

I am kind.

I am beautiful.

I will find someone who loves me for me.

I won’t be alone forever.

I will trust people again.

I can take people for their word.

I will survive.

I will survive the hurt.

I will survive the pain.

^^there is someone out there like that… waiting for me.

I’m not afraid to fall.

I’m not afraid to give my all.

I’m not afraid to fail.

Without failure there is no success.

I have changed.

I’m working on me.

To be the best me I can be.

He did love me.

He is just hurting too.

Just love you Jessie Lynn…

Just love you.

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